The Controller
by Taylor Marin
Summary: Here's chapter 21, finally. ;-) Sorry for the wait, y'all!!
1. Prologue Katie

A/N: Yes, this is a republication of my second fanfiction by this same title. I'm republishing it, however, because I have finally gotten over the little wow-everybody-adores-my-story,-go-me!! mood and took a red pen to it. :-D Hehe, and I also realized just how much this reeeally stank when I first published it... ::laughs:: So, anyway, I really hope people do read and review this, and most of all: enjoy!! ~Taylor  
  
My name is Katie. I won't tell you my last name, or where I live, but it's not because I'm hiding from the Yeerks. I just want my privacy. See, the Yeerks already know who I am.   
  
I am a Controller. Not a voluntary exactly. Well, okay, so maybe I am. But I didn't become a Controller because I'm stupid, or think that humans could never stop the Yeerks so why bother resisting. I knew about the Yeerks even before I became a controller. I knew about the Sharing and what it really was. I knew about Visser 3, and he scared me. He still does. I knew about the Animorphs. I knew about what they were doing.   
  
I'd read all the books, I'd considered each person's opinion, each alien species' opinion. I could sympathize with each. I understood the Andalites' guilt. The Humans' and the Hork-Bajirs' desire for freedom. Those were good reasons to fight.   
  
But I also sympathized with the Yeerks. Not the cruel, evil Yeerks like many of the Vissers and Sub-vissers, but just your average Yeerk. The one who knows it can't ever rise to such a level of power, or who doesn't want to.   
  
The way I figured, we humans had pretty much decided that all Yeerks are like Visser 3, and Chapman's Yeerk, and all your other power-hungry Yeerks. But what about Tidwell and Aftran? All they wanted was to see. To walk. To taste. To hear. What's wrong with that?  
  
Maybe there was something to be said for symbiotism after all. 


	2. Chapter 1 Illarim

My name is Illarim 7-4-6. I am a Yeerk. About a year ago, I found out that I was going to receive my first permanent host. It was the best news I had ever had.  
  
Of course, there are training hosts so that you can become accustomed to the new senses and how to control them, but then after your training session, it's back to the pool. How could anyone want to leave the world of sights and sounds, tastes and smells, walking, talking… Why would anyone want to leave that and live in a world of, of nothing?  
  
The teachers always told us that our hosts would not be as easy to control as these. They explained that the hosts we trained on were fully broken, and therefore safe for us to handle, but that our new hosts would probably be very rebellious, especially if we were assigned to a human.  
  
We soon got used to the Gedds; every Yeerk's first practice host. Their clumsy limbs and slow movements made them quite easy to control, as well as the passivity of their minds. They had been hosts all their lives, and so had no thoughts of rebellion or difficulty.  
  
As the sessions went on, they gave us more and more difficult hosts. We had to be fully prepared for our first hosts, they said. The first time I infested a Hork-Bajir was an awesome experience... I will never forget how different it was from a Gedd. Controlling the Hork-Bajir felt like I was on top of the world, with its powerful body and quick movements. The eyesight was not quite as sharp as the Gedd's- colors were less distinct and lines blurred. But I loved it nonetheless.  
  
Soon, I had reached the end of the training sessions, and there was nothing I could do but wait for my new host body. Most Yeerks begin with a Hork-Bajir host, or a Gedd, but I was to receive a human! I did not understand why, because I was young and in no position of power, but of course I was not going to say anything for fear it had been an accident and I was supposed to be assigned to a different host. A human was fine with me!  
  
I knew very little about my host, except that it was a human girl. A child, but nearly adult. Her name was Katie. It was a strange name, but I liked it. It sounded almost wistful and airy. Katie.  
  
I would receive her at the next meeting of the Sharing in one week.   
  
I couldn't wait. 


	3. Chapter 2 Katie

One week. I'd said yes. I couldn't turn back. At this point, I had no choice but to become a Controller, and I knew it. I was confused and scared at my decision, but I wasn't going to back down because deep down, I knew I wanted to do this. I don't change my mind about things that easily.   
  
My fear was constant, chock-full of uncertainties and variables, but not enough to stop me. Or was it? Maybe I could still change my mind. Not show up at the next meeting. I could do that. Couldn't I?  
  
I flopped back onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. It had footprints in several places from when I'd had a bunk bed and slept in the top bunk. My sister had taken the bottom. We'd shared a room for a long time. Now, Amy was off at college and I had the room to myself.  
  
I sighed and turned to look out the window at the crisp fall day. The sky was crystal blue with not a cloud in sight. The leaves on the maple were crimson, orange, yellow. The yard needed raking. Again. Ugh.  
  
I think that's when I decided for sure. I couldn't be selfish about all this beauty. It would be a sacrifice, but not a huge one. But I would do it. I was sure this time. I would not chicken out. 


	4. Chapter 3 Illarim

The day had come. I'd waited and waited, and it was finally here. My host would arrive any second, I would crawl in through the ear canal as I had been taught, connect with the brain... I ran a nervous mental check-list through my head as I waited.  
  
Then at last I felt a head being placed in the water and I knew that my waiting was over. I swam over and extended my palps to feel for the ear canal. It was smaller than a Gedd's, but it didn't matter. I knew what to do. I secreted numbing enzymes so that the girl would feel no pain and crept toward the brain, alive and tingling with electricity.   
  
Once I had connected with the brain's center, I used the skills I had practiced in my IPCs (Infestation Prep Class) to flatten out my malleable body until some part of me touched and connected to every neuron of her brain. The others in my class had often laughed at me because for some reason this action made me feel nervous and vulnerable, the way that my body was folded and contorted in such an enclosed space... Even with all my poolmates in it, I was accustomed to the much more open environment of the Yeerk pool and it's endless supply of Kandrona. To be inside a host's brain caused me to feel extremely enclosed and vulnerable.  
  
My phobia was soon forgotten as I took control of her hands and feet, mouth, ears and eyes. Her eyes! So different from a Gedd! Everything was clearer than a Yeerk could possibly imagine apart from experience, the colors so vibrant! I could have laughed for sheer joy.   
  
I used my host's voice and assured my superiors that I was in full control, then left the Yeerk pool. Walking took a little getting used to, I discovered. A human's gait is different from a Gedd or Hork-Bajir, who use their hands and tails, respectively, to balance.   
  
I climbed the rock stairs slowly, clutching the hand rail for support. By Tyarik, humans were not the most stable creatures in the galaxy. How could any species possibly evolve into a *biped*, of all things?!  
  
This host gave no resistance, and I would have been surprised had I not been in such a state of euphoria. With so much to concentrate on, I was not paying attention to her at all, anyway.  
  
Halfway up the stairs, I paused for a moment and gazed at the pool. Dearer than a mother to Yeerks, it now seemed to me a thing of disgust. The screams that I had always heard vaguely from beneath the mercurial liquid of the pool were now amplified by my new ears. The pool seemed to seethe with my poolmates, and, ashamed though I am of my feeling toward it, I felt nauseated by the sight. I mounted the rest of the stairs rapidly, trying mentally to block out the sounds and smells.  
  
I left the building that housed the entrance to the pool, every moment and instance filled with wonder at so many new experiences. I had never imagined it would be like this…   
  
Searching Katie's memories and knowledge, I decided to go to a park near her home. As I walked, I looked all around me at the colors. The trees were beautiful, the sky, the grass, all so wonderful. I saw birds flying, honking and cawing and just singing. It was overwhelming, but in a way so pleasing I wished the novelty could never end.  
  
I felt something wet on my cheek and lifted a hand to touch it. Tears. I didn't know if they were Katie's or mine. I could feel Katie's joy at my seeing this beautiful world.  
  
I know I did the right thing, she thought.  
  
I was startled; as I mentioned before, she had been completely silent from the moment I entered her mind. What?  
  
I did the right thing, she said again.  
  
I was confused, so I searched her memories. She merely watched and waited quietly. Her reaction to me made no sense. My final practice host, a young Hork-Bajir, had moaned and yelled, been angry and defeated, while I had infested it. I was extremely confused by the human's reaction; it went against everything the instructors had told me. She had not been a controller before. Her only reactions should have been confusion, fear, or anger.   
  
As I searched her thoughts and memories I became even more confused. This girl had become a voluntary controller not because she was seeking acceptance from anyone, since the world had rejected her. She had chosen to become a controller so that I would have a chance to experience all the wonders that she had.  
  
Immediately, I felt myself growing fond of this human. I knew I shouldn't. From an early age, all Yeerks are taught that the host is a host and nothing more. Your host is not a friend. A host is inferior and not a peer.   
  
But I couldn't help it. A part of me wanted and needed to like this girl. But I knew I shouldn't. I wouldn't. Couldn't. She was merely a host.   
  
I felt sadness coming from her. Hosts cannot read your thoughts, but they can sense emotions and such if you are not careful. I hadn't been, and she had sensed that I was not a good kind Yeerk. She had been naïve to think that I would be grateful and love her for allowing me to see and hear. She was a host and nothing more… 


	5. Chapter 4 Katie

Two people were holding my head underneath the sludge of the Yeerk pool. I'd imagined I would have to pretend to struggle so as to make it seem realistic, but when it came right down to it, I wasn't pretending. Not only did it feel as though they were trying to suffocate me, but it was like being at the very top of a roller coaster; that split-second when you are dangling over the edge, when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is absolutely no turning back.  
  
When I felt the Yeerk begin to crawl into my head, I'd been terrified, and couldn't believe I'd actually done this. Even more terrifying was when the Yeerk took control.  
  
One second I was struggling, screaming, kicking- then, slowly, one limb at a time, the Yeerk stopped my kicking. My screaming. It raised my head and used my voice to talk to the others.  
  
It walked me out of the Yeerk pool, and looked around at the sky. I felt its surge of joy at seeing the sky for the first time, and I wasn't scared anymore. I was joyful too, the initial adrenaline punch wearing off. I knew I had made the right decision, even if it was difficult and frightening.  
  
I couldn't solve everything, make everything right, but I could help one creature. And I had. It felt really good.  
  
Hello? I said tentatively. The Yeerk had searched my memories about my decision to become a controller. It'd been confused at first, and I'd been able to tell some of what it was feeling but now it had closed itself entirely to me. I didn't know why.  
  
The Yeerk raised my hand to look at my watch.  
  
It's almost dinner time, I said, knowing it really didn't matter. Mom will flip if I'm not home.  
  
The Yeerk bit my lip, one of my habits that I do when I'm trying to decide something. I guess the Yeerk decided I was right, so it searched my memories until it learned how to go home. It began walking me home.  
  
I have soccer practice after dinner, I said. It's really important that I go, because I'm team captain and we have a really big game tomorrow.  
  
The Yeerk made no reply. I knew it must have heard what I was saying. It just didn't feel I was important enough to respond to. It was probably also trying to organize its thoughts as it searched my memory to become familiarized with the way I would act.  
  
We had soon reached my house. "Mom? Dad?" The Yeerk called, "I'm home!"  
  
Another brief punch in the gut: hearing my voice talking to my parents unbidden. I couldn't have talked to them if I tried.  
  
"Oh, good," my mom responded, "Honey, can you come in here for a few minutes? I need you to help set the table."  
  
"Okay mom. I'll be right in. I just need to put my backpack upstairs," 'I' said. It was scary. It was exactly what I would have said. Same tone of voice, same words. No difference whatsoever. Except for the key element: I hadn't said it.  
  
The Yeerk made me run up the stairs to my bedroom and dump my bag next to my desk. On my way back to the kitchen, it made me peek into Jason's room. "Hey Shorty," my mouth said, "Come on downstairs and help set the table. It's just about time for dinner."  
  
"Did mom say I have to come?"  
  
My voice called down the stairs, "Mom? Does Jason have to come too?"  
  
"Jason! Come downstairs and help set the table!"  
  
The Yeerk stuck my head back in Jason's room and smirked at him.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," he muttered and rolled off his bed, clunking onto the floor in a heap. He resembled any of the other piles of clothes in the room pretty closely.  
  
Everything the Yeerk made me do was just the way I would have done it.  
  
We went downstairs and helped Mom clear and set the table.  
  
We had dinner accompanied by normal dinner chit-chat. The Yeerk reminded Dad about soccer practice and he sent me upstairs to get ready. I came down and started walking towards the school's soccer field.  
  
At practice we played hard, and despite not really playing on my own, I had fun. I had to wonder if it was always like this for hosts- when the Yeerks had them do things they used to enjoy, did they still like it? I knew I was an anomale about most things related to the Yeerks, but I didn't know just how many. I couldn't decided whether the host was likely to still enjoy the activity, or hate the Yeerk even more for taking it from them.  
  
After we were through, the Yeerk walked me over to my best friend, Emily. We started walking home together, as we normally did after practice.  
  
"Hey, Emily!" my mouth said. It still seemed so strange that 'I' should say something without even thinking about it.  
  
"Hi, Katie." Emily smiled, her face flushed from the exercise, a few hairs sticking to the sweat on her forehead.  
  
"I haven't seen you around much." It was almost like watching some really odd form of a video. Almost some hyperactive version of a Star Trek holodeck- but in this case, one in which you didn't play a character, but were played as a character.  
  
"Nah, I've been pretty busy with school and homework and... Some other things that came up," Emily sounded a little tired and sad, making me wonder what was up. "I'm free tomorrow, though, if you wanted to get together..."  
  
"That would be great!" the Yeerk said, more brightly than I normally would have. Me on caffeine. "Do you want to maybe go see a movie or something? Go rollerblading?"  
  
"Rollerblading," She said decidedly. "Why go see a movie when the weather is so nice? It's gonna get cold soon enough, so I say enjoy it while it lasts."  
  
My voice laughed. "True. How 'bout you come over to my house around, say, 1:00? Then you could stay for dinner too. Maybe even sleep over?"  
  
"I could do dinner," She replied, "But I'd have to come home after that. I have plans Sunday."  
  
"Oh, okay. Hey, I've got an idea!" The Yeerk said suddenly, making it sound as if I had just thought of it. "The Sharing's having a big bonfire tomorrow evening. It wouldn't be too late. Maybe instead of dinner at my house we can have dinner there. I heard from some kids in the Sharing that these things are really fun."  
  
"Maybe," Emily said hesitantly. Her mood had suddenly changed at my mention of the Sharing. "I'll have to think about it." She paused. "You're really into that Sharing thing, aren't you?"  
  
"Uh-huh. It's a lot of fun. You'd probably like it."  
  
"I don't know. I've already got a lot of things to do. I don't really have time for all the extra activities and stuff."  
  
"Well, think about it," my mouth said, non-committally, as if to imply it was just and idea. "We're just about to my house, so I'd better split off. See you tomorrow!"  
  
"Yup; see ya, K!" 


	6. Chapter 5 Illarim

Katie was angry with me. Why are you trying to make Emily join the Sharing? She demanded. She doesn't want to, and I don't want her to. Isn't it enough that I joined?  
  
In time she will be convinced that she wants to become a full member. And no, you are not enough. It is my job to help recruit hosts. There are thousands of Yeerks who are not yet as fortunate as I. Besides, I sneered, It is not as though there is anything you can do about it.  
  
Somehow, I didn't really want to be cruel to Katie. Perhaps it was not in my nature. But I knew I was supposed to. The instructors drilled it into us that we had to show no mercy to our hosts, to insult and rebuke them until they were so defeated that they would not rebel.  
  
They told us stories of other Yeerks who had treated their hosts kindly, and they were enough to give you nightmares. One that I will never forget was of a host who rebelled, telling several people about the invasion and mutilating the side of his face in a crazed effort to tear the Yeerk out with nothing but his hands. Even if I didn't like to hurt my host, I could not allow anything like that to happen.  
  
I felt an immense wave of sadness coming from my host. I understand, She said softly. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.  
  
I was silent, agreeing with her, though I would not admit it.  
  
Yeerk? She asked after a time. What's your name?  
  
My name?  
  
Mm-hmm.  
  
My name, not that it is of any consequence to you, is Illarim 7-4-6.  
  
I'm Katie. It's nice to meet you.  
  
I laughed harshly at her. Innocent. Even when reality slapped her in the face, she pretended to ignore it. Habits like that would only cause her further grief. If you ignore a rising flood, it will not force the water to disappear. 


	7. Chapter 6 Katie

The next day 'I' did my chores then waited by the window seat in my room for Emily. When she finally arrived the Yeerk made me run outside and greet her excitedly.  
  
"I thought we might go over by the lake," my mouth said. "All the trees are turning colors and it's really pretty."  
  
"Sure. Let's go."  
  
I pulled on my blades and equipment, then we started off for the lake. "What have you been up to lately?" the Yeerk asked. "I never see you around any more! Do your parents lock you up in your closet or something?"  
  
Emily laughed. "Oh, you know. I've just been really busy what with school and stuff and haven't really had time to get together. High school is not exactly the easiest thing in the world."  
  
I shrugged. "Yeah, well. School happens, I guess. Have you decided about coming to the bonfire tonight?"  
  
She hesitated. "I guess I'll go, but I don't want to stay long."  
  
"Cool."  
  
After that, we just bladed for the most part and didn't talk very much. I guess the Yeerk had gotten from Emily what it wanted: her to say yes to the Sharing bonfire.  
  
After a while, Illarim made me say, "You know what? We've been blading for a long time, and I'm getting tired. Do you want to go to the mall for a while?"  
  
She grinned. "I would *love* to go to the mall."  
  
My mouth grinned back. Emily's something of a shopping freak. "Let's stop at my house, get some sneakers, then go."  
  
We bladed back to my house. My dad even volunteered to drive us (yes!) and we went to the mall.  
  
We wandered around for a couple hours. Emily bought some very fashionable, very expensive leather boots. She talked me into buying a denim purse from Claire's, though I didn't really see any need for it. Then we went to the food court and got soft pretzels from Pretzel Time.  
  
As we were walking towards the benches, I saw a group of kids about ten yards away. They were acting like normal teenagers, teasing each other about some book one girl was holding. She stuck her tongue out at those who were teasing her, then put the book back into her bag.  
  
One of the boys laughed and yelled, "The Yeerks are here! They're going to kill us all! Aaaahhh!!!"  
  
The rest of the group started snickering, and the girl punched him smartly in the shoulder.  
  
Obviously people who don't have enough imagination to know that even something unlikely could be real, I muttered.  
  
My eyes kept watching, scanning the crowd to see if anything would happen. A couple of men slowly pulled Dracon beams out of their shirt pockets and aimed at the kids. I wanted to scream to the kids to look out, but of course the Yeerk didn't let me. Luckily, the girl who had been holding the new Animorph book yelled it for me, and they started running towards the parking lot.  
  
Tseeewww! Tseeewww!  
  
What in the WORLD?? I demanded of Illarim. Is it normal for Yeerks to just randomly fire at human kids like this?  
  
No, Illarim answered, his voice 'sounding' strained. It most assuredly is not.  
  
Illarim made me run after them. Emily didn't say anything. Her face was white and she looked like she had just seen a ghost. She got up and followed me.  
  
Fools, Illarim muttered. If Visser 1 finds out they have been firing weapons in a public mall. Then we'd best not tell him, I said. What he doesn't know can't hurt them.  
  
I could feel Illarim smirk in my mind- rather difficult to describe, though, so I'm not going to try. Quite an interesting change in the expression. But you're right. We won't tell.  
  
We had reached the parking lot. The kids were no where to be seen, leading me to believe they had somehow escaped, particularly since the men were swarming around the lot searching for them.  
  
One of them came over and tried to grab me, I suppose because he assumed I was either one of the kids or that I had seen everything and therefore had to be infested.  
  
Illarim gave an exasperated sigh and said, "There's no need to imprison me. I'm Illarim 7-4-6 of the Teth Gorash pool. You should be glad the Visser wasn't here to see what you just did. He would be very displeased."  
  
The man nodded abruptly. "I am Tedor 3-7-8. Where is the girl who was with you?"  
  
Illarim looked around, startled. "I-I don't know. She was here a minute ago."  
  
"You should be glad the Visser wasn't here to see that you let a girl get away after seeing what she did. He would be very displeased," Tedor said, smirking.  
  
I felt my cheeks grow hot, but Illarim said nothing. Tedor's number was lower, meaning he held a higher rank than Illarim. He had to be careful not to seem disrespectful.  
  
"I have a suggestion to make," Tedor said. "You will say nothing of our firing weapons in the mall, and I will say nothing of the girl. Agreed?"  
  
"Agreed. I wouldn't have told the Visser anyway. He likes those who tell him of mistakes about as much as he likes those who made them."  
  
Tedor rolled his host's eyes knowingly. "Then I suppose we will now go our separate ways." His tone changed as someone came out into the parking lot. "Well, bye then! Thanks for your help!"  
  
"Bye! Glad to be of assistance!"  
  
Let's hope the Visser doesn't find out about this, Illarim muttered to me. Then he walked me back in to the food court. Emily was nowhere to be seen. I searched some, but finally left and walked home. 


	8. Chapter 7 Illarim

I walked my host back to her home. Her parents appreciated knowing where she was at all times, so I informed them using my host's mouth that Katie was going to the Sharing bonfire, also telling them what time she should be picked up.  
  
The bonfire was to be held on the beach, which was not too far away. It was not dark, so I walked to it.  
  
There were sounds of humans playing volleyball, talking, and there was also music from someone's radio. The diversity of human music is something that I have never yet grown accustomed to. On the Yeerk homeworld, we have no forms of music at all, so my fellow Yeerks can imagine my reaction the first time I encountered it, in the form of what they call classical music. Katie had set her clock radio to play it at a designated time each morning to help her wake up. The sounds were so intricate, foreign, amazing- I was incapacitated for several minutes due to its overpowering affect on my senses.  
  
As I walked my host onto the beach, I used her eyes to search for the other girl, Emily. I soon spotted her. I could feel Katie's disgust. *She* knew that the weapons fired at the mall were Dracon beams. This other girl, however, did not, and would not have assumed any connection between them and the Sharing.  
  
I ran over to her.  
  
"You came!" I shouted, careful to use the same inflection Katie would have used. "I didn't see you after that thing at the mall."  
  
I had decided beforehand not to pretend that the incident had never occurred. It would be pointless. Emily knew I had seen the shots fired.  
  
"I didn't see any reason not to come," Emily said, though Katie thought her tone seemed a bit uncertain. I was not familiar enough with human inflection to tell. "But that was just too weird, don't you think?"  
  
"Way too weird," I agreed. "I bet they were probably filming for a Star Trek episode, or something."  
  
"Must have been. Want to go play some beach volleyball?"  
  
And that was how it went. To my great relief, nothing more was said about the incident at the mall. 


	9. Chapter 8 Katie

A/N: Bleh... This is one of those chapters that, when I initially wrote it, I adored. In retrospect I don't particularly like it, but it's really pretty important for establishing Katie's character, so I've kept it in here. ::nods:: I leave it to my readers to make final judgement!  
  
Illarim had to regenerate the next day. He walked me to the Yeerk pool, and actually seemed to have about as little affection for the place as I did.  
  
As he exited my head, two very tough-looking Hork-Bajir held my arms so that I couldn't escape. As they pulled me to my feet, rather roughly I might add, I tried to pull away not because I wanted to escape, but because I was getting bruises. Ow.  
  
They shoved me into a cage with several other teens my age, as well as a few adults. Most of them were sitting dejectedly, all hope lost.  
  
Suddenly, I got an idea. Now, I'm not a great singer. I like singing, and I used to have dreams of being the next Britney Spears or Celine Dion, but I'm not *that* good. I wish, but not quite. Well, anyway, I figured I'd only be in control of myself for a little while, so I might as well make the best of it, right? So, I started to sing. Christmas was only a little over a month away, So I sang some Christmas carols.  
  
"Stupid," A boy muttered.  
  
I raised an eyebrow, and said loudly enough for more than just him to hear even over all the shouts and screams, "Look, there's no way for us to escape, right? And we'll only be in control of ourselves for a little while before we're infested again. Why not make the best of it?"  
  
"She's right," a girl whom I recognized from my school said. "It's bad enough being infested. I'm not going to waste a few moments of freedom on a pity party- there's time enough to do that when it's basically all I *can* do. "  
  
I grinned, and started singing again. She joined in with the harmony. A few other people joined in, hesitantly at first, but the voices soon grew stronger. Eventually, there were at least fifteen of us singing in cages all around the complex. For a little while at least, the horror was almost forgotten.  
  
When my turn came for re-infestation, I went along sadly, but without struggling. I noticed a few others doing the same. With just one little action, I'd helped make their lives a little more bearable. I knew Illarim thought I was naïve, wishing for symbiotism, but I had seen it happen not just to me, but to others too. There is always reason for hope. 


	10. Chapter 9 Illarim

I swam in the pool for my allotted amount of time, blind, nearly deaf, helpless, until it was my turn for re-infestation. I swam over to the pier and felt Katie's head being held down in the liquid. It was far easier taking control this time, since I was more familiar with the human brain and the path to it.  
  
Don't you want to know what I did while you were gone? Katie asked playfully. She was almost a bit smug.  
  
Humans, I thought in exasperation. I sighed. No, actually; I'm not particularly interested... But since it will apparently make you happy: what did you do while I was gone?  
  
Oh, you're no fun. I'll make you find out on your own. With that, she was silent.  
  
I really had nothing better to do, so I searched her memories until I found what she wanted me to see.  
  
Causing problems again, I see.  
  
Oh, come on. Singing never hurt anybody.  
  
Maybe so, I conceded.  
  
Besides, She continued, I helped cheer them up a bit. Most of the people here hate being controllers.  
  
You don't seem to understand that their discouragement is a good thing. My tone was haughty, and I could feel my host's hurt at this. For some reason it made me uncomfortable. I added, But it really was a kind gesture, I suppose.  
  
Katie seemed somewhat cheered by this praise and said no more.  
  
I walked Katie out of the Yeerk pool and headed for the park, which was where she usually spent her afternoons.  
  
Illarim?  
  
What? I said.  
  
I didn't really need to ask since I could easily read her thoughts, but I had agreed to let her keep her thoughts to herself and share them with me only when she wanted to. I suppose my fellow Yeerks will consider me, to borrow an Earth term, a 'softy'. But as I have said before, even despite myself, I found that I was growing a bit fond of Katie and had decided to allow her this small freedom, most of the time.  
  
Could you maybe, possibly, consider granting me a favor? She spoke slowly, hesitantly.  
  
What is it?  
  
Do you think that maybe, on occasion, I could have a little bit of control? You know, like, being able to move and talk a little.  
  
I was startled. No. No, I couldn't. You know that, I said. I could get in a great deal of trouble, I mean, well.  
  
You know me, Katie prodded. You probably know more about me than I know about myself. You know I won't do anything that would harm you. Besides, you're still in there and would be able to stop me if I did.  
  
I suppose, I said. That it wouldn't really harm anything to allow you *some* freedom. But only on occasion.  
  
I felt Katie's immense wave of gratitude. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. Her emotion made up for any lack of words. 


	11. Chapter 10 Katie

By the time we'd finished our conversation, we were walking along the busy street that takes you to the park. And I had that feeling, the one that humans get when we feel like we're being watched or followed.  
  
Can we maybe walk a little faster? I asked Illarim nervously.  
  
Why?   
  
It's just because. Oh, just do it. Please, I said.  
  
My feet began to walk faster and Illarim searched my thoughts to find out why I was so nervous. He seemed perplexed, but did trust human instincts to some extent and made my head turn to look behind me.  
  
There's nobody in sight, he said.  
  
Yeah. Okay, I said. I still couldn't shake that feeling of being watched, but I tried to ignore it and hoped it would go away.  
  
As we neared the park, I saw Jason, Ian and a two of their friends playing soccer. Please? I asked Illarim. I felt myself slowly gaining control of my body again, as though my limbs had fallen asleep or something, and quickly ran over to where the boys were playing. Without a word, I deftly snatched the ball away from Jason's friend Michael, and headed toward the two cones that marked Ian's goal.  
  
"Hey, wait a minute! That's not fair! Katie, get out of here! I was just about to slaughter Jason!" Ian yelled at me.  
  
I turned my head back to look at him, and smiled an impish grin. I then proceeded to score a point for Jason's team. Jason, Michael and I exchanged high fives.  
  
"I hate it when you do that," Ian said.  
  
"I know," I responded. Then I ran away because Ian started to chase me. He's fast. I'm faster. "I'm going in," I called over my shoulder. "Homework!"  
  
"Uh-uh. No way are you getting out of it that easy. You're gonna be punished for this. I put up with way too much, and you're not getting away this time!"  
  
Right at that moment, I burst through the front door. "Mom!! Ian's trying to tackle me!" I shouted.  
  
"Ian! Leave your sister alone. Katie, homework. Your father and I have told you before that if you are going to be in the Sharing, you have to keep up with your studies."  
  
I looked back at Ian and made a teasing expression. "Sorry. I guess you'll just have to injure me later."  
  
He sneered in response.  
  
I went upstairs and Illarim took control again. Thank you, I said. Thank you so much. You have no idea what that meant to me.   
  
Yes, he said slowly. Yes, I think I do. 


	12. Chapter 11 Illarim

The next few days past uneventfully. Often, Katie still had an uneasy feeling of being watched, but I would check repeatedly to assure her there was no one in sight. I even allowed her enough control to look around on her own several times. It was like trying to assure a small Yeerk that there were no Andalites near the pool. For the most part, though, I tried to ignore Katie's qualms.  
  
I did not tell her this, but at times, I had the same uneasy feeling. Frequently, I looked around not merely to calm Katie's fears, but my own as well.  
  
After three days, I of course had to feed again. I walked Katie to the Yeerk pool after school. Normally she had soccer practice, but Sharing members received exemptions from any number of things in order to allow their Yeerks to feed.  
  
As we were walking home from the Yeerk pool, that now-familiar uneasiness came over us both very strongly.  
  
Katie said, Can you please look around again?   
  
I did, but of course saw no one. Just a few birds and a squirrel. I started walking a little faster. I knew that those animals could be Andalites. Why they would target *me* I didn't know.  
  
What is it? Katie demanded.  
  
Nothing, I tried to assure her, but my thoughts were tense and nervous, and Katie saw through my lie.  
  
Illarim. What. Is. It?   
  
It's nothing, I said again, a little calmer and more convincingly. It's just that your parents will become concerned if you are not home soon. It's getting dark.  
  
She did not believe me. I had made it obvious, however, that I wasn't going to tell her any more, so she let me alone. 


	13. Chapter 12 Katie

Illarim was just as nervous as I was, which only made me more nervous. He made me look around, but there was no one in sight. There were just some animals. When Illarim saw these, he got really scared for some reason and started walking faster. He didn't think I could detect his alarm, but it's not actually that difficult for a host to tell its Yeerk's emotions, particularly if they are strong ones like fear.  
  
He looked around again, and, coming off of a side street was a teenager whom I didn't recognize. I knew I'd never met him, but somehow he seemed almost familiar. Illarim walked even faster, and turned off onto a different street.  
  
He made me look around again, and the kid was still there. It was clear he was following me.  
  
Illarim made me break into a trot. The kid started to run, too, but I'm a fast sprinter and was managing to outpace him fairly well, even though I could see he was still trailing me.  
  
Illarim turned me off the street and into the woods. We had run for some time, and it seemed we had lost the kid. He stopped to catch my breath, since I'm used to sprinting, not distance running.  
  
Then, in approximately half a second, someone grabbed me from behind. I would have screamed, but a hand was clamped firmly over my mouth.  
  
"It's all right, Katie," Emily said, stepping into view. "We're not going to hurt you. We're here to help. But you need to come with us."  
  
"You don't really have a choice, anyway," the kid who was holding me said. "We have some tricks up our sleeves if you try to escape."  
  
They dragged me about a quarter of a mile further into the forest, where there was a small, rotting shack with half the roof already missing. There were a couple other kids standing outside.  
  
"Katie?" Emily said. "I'd like you to meet my friends, Rachel, Cassie, Marco and Jake."  
  
I didn't know what to think. My initial instinct was disbelief, like I couldn't believe they were real. I felt a flicker of amusement coming from Illarim, then merely felt sheepish. Duh, I'm a Controller. Of course the Animorphs are real. But Emily was with them? Emily was an Animorph?  
  
The kid took his hand away from my mouth so I could speak. We were already so far into the woods that no one could have heard me had I screamed.  
  
"Is this like a joke or something?" Illarim made me ask, making my voice sound incredulous, terrified, and angry at the same time. He decided to keep pretending I was not a controller.  
  
I saw a flicker of doubt in Emily's eyes. She still wasn't completely sure I was a controller. I knew Illarim would use that to try to get us out of there.  
  
"No, it's not a joke," Jake said. (Once I knew who they were, it was easy enough to figure out who was who.)  
  
"What are you going to do to me?"  
  
"We're going to starve that Yeerk right out of your head, Katie," Emily said softly. 


	14. Chapter 13 Katie again

I felt Illarim's fear, but he recovered quickly. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Come on," Marco said. "We're wasting time. You can have this little chat once she's tied up and I'm home playing Nintendo, styling my hair, or doing something equally important."  
  
Cassie and Emily tied my hands behind my back and led me into the shed. There was a pile of blankets on the floor in the corner. I was told to sit down there. Once sitting, they tied my feet as well.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Illarim made me ask. "What did I ever do to you? Come on, Emily. I thought we were friends. You guys, if this some sort of practical joke, it's not funny. It's getting dark. I need to get home."  
  
He tried all sorts of things- imploring, demanding, appealing, begging- but nothing work. It became increasingly obvious that they were not going to let me go until Illarim was dead.  
  
Someone stayed there all the time to make sure that I didn't escape. When Jake had been made into a controller, he could just morph and escape that way, but I couldn't. There was no way out. Rachel took the first shift.  
  
I guess after a while she got tired of Illarim's begging. "Listen, Yeerk. There's no way to escape, and we're certainly not going to let you go. Now quit your whining."  
  
"But what about my parents? If I don't get home, they'll flip!"  
  
"There's a Chee at your house right now. They'll never know the difference." She answered casually.  
  
"What's a Chee? And why do you keep calling me a Yeerk?"  
  
"You know what a Chee is, and I call you a Yeerk because you are one," Rachel commented factually. "Now would you please shut up? I have homework to do."  
  
Illarim was going to say something more, but I asked him not to. Listen, I said. Rachel will get really mad if you keep bugging her. And a really mad Rachel is not good. We're going to have to tell them I was a voluntary controller, but don't do it yet. Rachel's the sort to go ballistic. Wait until Cassie is on guard. She'll understand.   
  
I felt Illarim search my memories of the books. Pay special attention to #19, I said. That's the one that will be most helpful.  
  
Understood. 


	15. Chapter 14 Illarim

After I had found out as much as Katie knew about the 'Animorphs,' I realized she was right. If there was any hope of my escaping safely, it lay with Cassie. She would be the most likely to understand.  
  
After three hours, a new guard came. It was not Cassie. Another three hours, another new guard. Not Cassie. This continued happening until it should have been Cassie's turn, since she was the only one who had not yet stood guard. But it was not Cassie. It was Rachel again.  
  
"Where's Cassie?" I asked.  
  
"My, aren't you perceptive," Rachel said. "Why do you want Cassie? So you can try to convince her that you aren't a Controller and we need to let you go? I don't think so."  
  
I said nothing, realizing my mistake.  
  
"Oh yes. Almost forgot to answer your question, didn't I? Well, Cassie went to a vet seminar thing with her parents. Now if you'll excuse me, I have homework."  
  
No, Katie said suddenly. She's lying. Cassie's parents wouldn't let her skip school. It's evening. Maybe she had to baby-sit or something. She definitely seems like a babysitting sort of girl. Just wait. I'm sure she'll be here sometime.  
  
I hope you're right, I said.  
  
I hope so too. 


	16. Chapter 15 Katie

We waited and waited, and still Cassie did not show up. It had been two days since Illarim had fed. Cassie had to come. She just had to.  
  
Finally, she did. Around four o'clock, she took over guarding me. Emily had had the previous shift. Illarim made me sit there, seemingly uninterested in everything until Emily had been gone about fifteen minutes, even though we both knew there was not much time left. Even I could feel his growing hunger, or at least sense it.  
  
May I talk to her now? I asked for the nth time, practically going crazy from waiting for what seemed to be so long.  
  
Illarim said nothing, but I felt myself regaining control again.  
  
"Cassie?" I said slowly. "I need to talk to you."  
  
She looked up from the book she was reading. "I'm listening."  
  
I took a deep breath. "If anyone would understand, it's you. This is Katie speaking. The real Katie. I don't want Illarim to die. I... I was a voluntary. I want to be a Controller. I chose to let him in my head."  
  
Cassie kept her features emotionless, and I couldn't tell what her response was, be it sympathetic, disbelieving, angry, or disgusted.  
  
I started to say something, but Illarim stopped me. "This is Illarim now. I know you need to be able to talk to Katie and know for certain it's not really me. Get a glass of water- it's not exactly ideal, but I will be able to survive in it."  
  
"All right," Cassie said, sounding as thought it did not matter to her one way or the other. She retrieved a large glass and filled it with bottled water from the supplies they had stashed for the three days I would be held, then untied my hands and gave it to me.  
  
I stared at my reflection in the water for a moment, having one of those cold-shivers-down-the-spine, 'what-if...?', Twilight-Zone moments, imagining what really was hiding behind my face. Then I shuddered slightly and held the cup to my ear, feeling the eerie sensation of Illarim's thoughts slowly disconnecting from my own.  
  
Wish me luck, I said, right before the last connections were severed.  
  
"There," I said, setting the cup down where it wouldn't get bumped. I hesitated for a moment, surprising even myself at how I felt almost incomplete without Illarim there, safeguarding me against saying something wrong, joking with me, supplying ideas when I had run out.  
  
I mentally shook my head to help keep on topic, then continued. "I knew the others wouldn't understand, but I thought you might. I really am a voluntary controller. I thought maybe, even if I couldn't help everybody, I could make a difference for just one being. Give him- her, it- the experiences that humans take for granted. You know, I mean, I just wanted to help, and now it's more than that. We're friends, closer friends than you could ever be with another human."  
  
My mouth curved into a slight, amused smile when I said that. The irony of it all; of course a Yeerk would know me better than anyone else. He couldn't help it.  
  
Cassie didn't say anything for a moment, but looked steadily into my eyes. She had kept her face carefully devoid of emotion during my speech, but as we looked at each other I though I caught a glimpse of something... Almost like wistfulness. Nostalgia, for when she had thought the same things I now did.  
  
"What about the fact that the Yeerks are trying to enslave the human race?" she asked finally. "Can you really dismiss that so lightly?"  
  
"That's wrong. You'd have to be an idiot not to admit that, but they can't really help it. They don't know any other way. The Vissers trick them into thinking slavery is their only option."  
  
"We're going to have to tell the others," Cassie said.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Jake has the next shift. Fill him in when he comes."  
  
"Yeah," I said, hoping the others wouldn't react the way I expected them to. Peace had scored one point, but War hadn't even brought in its most violent players yet. 


	17. Chapter 16 Illarim

I left Katie's head and sat in the water for some time, nothing to do but think. The water felt uncomfortably thin against my skin, but at least it was distilled and there were no trace chemicals burning it.  
  
After a time, I felt the glass rise again. I swam to the surface of the liquid and felt around for the ear canal. I squished and squeezed my way in and was soon completely connected with Katie's brain.  
  
How did it go? I asked nervously.  
  
Katie almost spoke in a sigh. Mission accomplished... So far... Jake is gonna be here soon to take over. Let's hope the others understand too. Can I say one more thing to Cassie?  
  
Certainly, I said.  
  
Thanks.  
  
"Cassie? This is Katie. Can you maybe stay here a little after Jake comes? I just think you might be able to help me explain. He trusts you."  
  
Cassie smiled gently, but at the same time looked a little embarrassed. "Sure."  
  
I guess that now we just wait, I said to Katie.  
  
Yeah. I guess so.  
  
The next several hours passed slowly. I was beginning to feel the effects of my lack of Kandrona; besides the hunger I found it hard to keep my thoughts straight, and I was growing increasingly tired. I still had about twelve hours before starvation would occur, so I tried to hide my growing hunger from Katie. She did not need to become even more nervous. 


	18. Chapter 17 Katie

As the minutes went by, I grew more and more afraid. *It's only Jake,* I kept telling myself. *It's no big deal. You told Cassie. You can tell Jake now.*  
  
What I was most worried about was that Jake would have to tell Rachel and Marco as well. Maybe I shouldn't have read each of the Animorph books at least 4 times. I just couldn't help thinking about that scene in #19. You know the one. Cassie becomes a voluntary Controller to save Karen. And then Marco says. Marco says, "You're a fool, Cassie. Now it's not the little girl who may have to die. It's *you.*"  
  
I had that line running through my head, over and over and over again. And then of course when *Rachel* finds out.. Well, she just plain goes ballistic. They don't much like voluntary controllers.  
  
Both Illarim and Cassie were silent as we waited. Cassie worked on some homework. When I had read the books, I'd always wondered how they did homework when they were so busy fighting Yeerks. Now I knew. It was done in short spurts, whenever they had a couple minutes. Do a few problems here, read a paragraph there.  
  
Since I was still untied, I could turn my hand to look at my watch. Illarim allowed me this freedom most of the time. I was so nervous I was checking the time every two or three minutes. I tried to look again, but Illarim stopped me.  
  
Why won't you let me look at my watch? I demanded.  
  
Whether or not you know the time isn't going to affect how soon Jake gets here, He pointed out. It just makes you more nervous. Relax. He'll get here soon enough.  
  
He made me take deep, slow breaths and tried to slow my heart rate to help calm me. But just because I didn't show the typical signs of nervousness, it didn't mean I wasn't nervous.  
  
After what seemed an eternity, I heard footsteps nearing the shed. This is it, I muttered. The door creaked slowly open and Jake walked in.  
  
He grinned. "Hi Cassie. Did you have a good- Wait a minute. What is she doing untied?" His friendly tone turned to the decisive, determined, leader- like tone I'd always imagined him using.  
  
"It's all right," Cassie said quickly. "We'll explain everything." She looked at me. "Right Katie?"  
  
"Right," my voice answered. I was way too nervous to say anything.  
  
"I'll explain," Illarim made me say before Cassie could say anything. "Katie was a voluntary controller. She decided to become a host. She was aware of the Yeerks and the war long before she ever attended a Sharing meeting." 


	19. Chapter 18 Illarim

"I was not exactly willing to work towards friendship at first, but somehow I grew to like Katie. We now have a sort of symbiotic relationship."  
  
Like the Iskoort, Katie added.  
  
What? I asked.  
  
The Iskoort. Book #26.  
  
Oh. I had learned that humans have this odd need to make pointless, entirely unhelpful comments when they are nervous, apparently as a way of alleviating tension. I have also learned to ignore it.  
  
Cassie and Jake were at the other side of the shed, talking quietly to each other.  
  
"We're going outside to talk," Jake said. "Don't try to go anywhere. Ax will make sure you don't. I don't think I need to remind you just how capable he is of guarding an unarmed human girl."  
  
The Andalite walked into the shed as Jake and Cassie left, his tail poised and ready. Don't try anything, Yeerk, he said. You know there is no way for you to escape.  
  
I shifted nervously, eyes on his tail blade. Sharp as a scalpel, faster than a bullet, more power than a battle axe. I admit: it was an unsettling situation. "You can relax, Andalite. I'm not going to try anything."  
  
The Andalite made no answer. Neither did he relax.  
  
Hey, Ax-man! How's it going in there?  
  
I think that's Tobias, Katie said. He must be outside.  
  
The Andalite made no answer. Rather, he probably answered in private thought-speak so I couldn't overhear. 


	20. Chapter 19 Katie

Cassie came back inside and Ax left again, though I knew he wouldn't go far. "Where's Jake?" Illarim made me ask.  
  
"He went to get the others," Cassie answered.  
  
Ask her how it went, I said, my thoughts tense and clipped.  
  
"Katie wishes to know how it went," my voice said.  
  
Cassie bit her lip. "I'm not sure. He doesn't understand why you did it, and is afraid to let you go because of the security risk you would be now, even if what you say *is* the truth."  
  
Can I talk a bit? I asked.  
  
Sure.  
  
"This is Katie. Do... Do you think there is any hope? I know Rachel is going to flip out when you tell her. Marco not quite as much, but he will too."  
  
Cassie looked surprised.  
  
"I know how they'll act," I said. "I've read your books so many times it's like I've known you guys forever, even though I just met you. That's how I knew about the Yeerks and stuff."  
  
"Yeah," Cassie said with a grin. "I guess you probably know us better than we do ourselves."  
  
I smiled back. "Probably. There's one thing I've always wondered about, though... Why do you write the books at all? Isn't it a major security risk?"  
  
Cassie's face clouded. "Of course it is. But sometimes you just have to take that risk. We figured it was more important to get the word out to the largest possible audience, but at the same time in a fairly low-profile way...  
  
"It's like this: the people who read our books will mostly believe they are fiction, but they'll still wonder where the element of truth is. If they hear about the Sharing, they'll probably call themselves paranoid, but avoid it nonetheless."  
  
She grinned slightly, and shrugged. "I guess we'll never know if these books helped any or just caused more trouble."  
  
[A/N: Yes, I know, that was pretty random... But with so many questions about how I could justify having the books be real (well, okay, not from the ffn readers as much as my friends, but nonetheless! You know you wanted to know!!) I figured I may as well put my explanation in here. ::nods:: ] 


	21. Chapter 20 Katie

We didn't say anything more until the others arrived about ten minutes later. They were human when they came inside, but since I hadn't heard any bicycles or approaching footsteps, I assumed they had flown, then demorphed. Tobias was not among the group, but he was probably in a tree nearby where he would still be able to hear everything.  
  
Marco and Rachel were there. Jake must have explained the situation on the way over. I could tell by their faces.  
  
Rachel had on an expression of incredulity and anger. I could guess the reason: she couldn't believe anyone would willingly give up their freedom to a slug.  
  
Marco had his anger well-hidden, but it was still there. What was most visible was the look of determination, like he had already figured out a plan and was going to see it carried out.  
  
Emily was there too, which, for a brief moment, surprised me. I had forgotten Emily would be counted in their group. She had a pained look on her face; like she couldn't believe what Jake had said was really true. Like she couldn't believe her best friend would betray her. It ripped me apart.  
  
I turned my face away from their probing stares. They made me feel so self- conscious and aware of what a coward I really was. I don't think I can do this, I told Illarim.  
  
Be glad you're not alone, then, he said. I'll take over for now.  
  
He turned my head to look back at the Animorphs. "I'm guessing Jake has already filled you in."  
  
Emily nodded and took a step forward. "Yeah," she said. "But, why, Katie? Why would you..."  
  
Her voice was choked with emotion. She couldn't even think of anything else to say except 'why.'  
  
If Illarim hadn't been in control, I might have broken down and cried from all the stress, exhaustion, fear, and frustration of the past few days that were culminating now. But I needed to be in control. I needed to explain. I also needed to get a grip.  
  
I need to talk, I told Illarim. *I* have to explain. Not you. It was my decision to do this in the first place, and now it's my responsibility to tell them why.  
  
Are you sure you'll be okay? he asked.  
  
No, I'm not sure. But I have to anyway.  
  
I could feel a moment's hesitation, then control of my body returned. It's really a hard felling to describe, so you're just gonna have to use your imagination.  
  
"I wasn't trying to hurt anyone," I said. "Especially not you, Emily."  
  
"Yeah, well, too late for that. You already have," She answered petulantly.  
  
"I know. And I know you'll probably never forgive me, either. But I also want you to know that I only meant to help.  
  
"Look, how would you all like it if you had to live your lives as slugs? Can you even imagine what your life would be like without sight, hearing, taste, speech... I just wanted to make a difference for one Yeerk. Give one Yeerk all the things it could only dream about, but we take for granted."  
  
"That's all a very nice fantasy, Ms. Ghandi," Marco broke in. "But this is a war. "Love, sweet love" isn't going to cut it this time. They're trying to take away our homes. Our families-"  
  
"Our friends," Emily added bitterly.  
  
Marco nodded. "Our friends. You can't make peace with the enemy. You can't make peace with slugs."  
  
"Yes you can," I said softly. "You can."  
  
"Maybe somewhere else," Rachel said. "Maybe in another time. But not in life as we know it."  
  
I cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Then what about Tidwell? Aftran? The entire Yeerk peace movement?"  
  
No one said anything. "Well?" I pressed.  
  
"I think that's a little bit different," Jake said. "The Yeerk was initiating the peace there- the human wasn't offering to be a martyr."  
  
"No, it's not different," I said. "There's no difference at all, it's just that you don't want that kind of peace. You want Yeerk-free peace, and you can't understand anyone who would want peace *with* the Yeerks. You can't blame your problems on something you don't even try to understand."  
  
My speech was met with an uncomfortable silence, telling me my assumptions had been correct. 


	22. Chapter 21 Illarim

"All right. For the moment let's say I can see where you're coming from," Jake commented like it was all a hypothetical scenario in a debate. "But if we were to let you go, how are we supposed to know you're not gonna go running back to Visser 1 to tell him all you know?"  
  
Your turn, Katie told me. I took control of her again.  
  
"You can't," I told them. "There's no way for you to be sure. All I can give is my word."  
  
Marco snorted. "Who's gonna trust the word of a Yeerk?"  
  
"I am," Cassie said.  
  
"Surprise, surprise," Marco muttered.  
  
"Marco." Rachel growled warningly.  
  
I held up Katie's hands. "Um, look guys. I'm not trying to start a civil war or anything. Okay?"  
  
"She's right," Jake said. "We need to stop with the bickering," here he looked meaningfully at Rachel and Marco, "And get back to the main issue. Which is: What are we going to do with the Yeerk?"  
  
Marco said, "It's my opinion that there is only one option. I don't think I need to tell anyone what it is."  
  
I agree with Marco, Ax said.  
  
"Opinions have been noted and filed," Jake responded. "Are there any other suggestions?"  
  
No one said anything for a while. "Why don't we ask Katie what she thinks we should do?" Cassie suggested.  
  
Jake nodded and looked at me. I said nothing for a moment. I looked at them sadly. "This is Illarim, not Katie. I think we should do as Marco and the Andalite have suggested. They're right; the view they have presented is the only plausible option..."  
  
I had to stop then. The gravity of what I was saying, combined with Katie's shouted protests caused me to feel sick, something like the human equivalent of extreme nausea. Having never experienced the fugue, I did not know if my symptoms could have been from starvation. The others were waiting for me to talk, though, so I forced myself to continue.  
  
"It has been nice while it lasted, and I have done things and experienced things I never even knew enough to dream about. But your cause in this situation is the just one. You must... You must allow me to die and continue your fight against us."  
  
NOO! Katie cried. Are you insane?! There's got to be *something* else we can do, there's got to be a better way, I'm not going to let you do this after all that has happened!  
  
I can't think of anything else, I told her. Katie, you can't possibly understand all you have done for me and how much this time has meant to me. But it can't last. Even if I were silent, the danger would still be too great.  
  
Another wave of nausea swept over me. My world was reeling in dizziness and hunger. I realized then that in at best an hour or so, it would not matter one way or another what was decided regarding my fate.  
  
  
  
[A/N: Hi guys!! So sorry it's taken me this long to update... Life catches up with one on occasion. And unfortunately, the next chapter(s) may be even longer in coming... See, I decided to totally rewrite the ending, because I was unsatisfied with the old version. To make matters worse, my muse seems to be on vacation... I'll try my hardest to track her down so that I can finish this fic once and for all!!] 


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